Setting boundaries is a healthy way to create limits and inform people how to treat you.
Boundaries are limits of a particular area, subject, or activity, such as our physical bodies or location. Throughout our lives we learn about boundaries, limits, or rules. We develop an understanding by observing those around us and through interactions with others. In some instances we are witness to unhealthy boundaries or do not understand the need for boundaries. It is important to develop or maintain boundaries to feel safe and respected.
Physical boundaries let a person know how close they can be to you, who can touch you and when. Not everyone enjoys hugs so informing people of that is setting a boundary. Emotional boundaries allow us to create a space to feel our emotions and understand that are valid and important to our well-being. It is okay to distance yourself from someone who is emotionally draining or manipulative. This is an example of setting a healthy boundary. It is important to keep in mind that boundaries can be set in different settings in your life.
Not all boundaries are the same with every person in your life. We often have different boundaries with coworkers, acquaintances, friends, and family. Some boundaries are more flexible, whereas others are more rigid. It is perfectly fine to adjust boundaries as long as your boundaries are being respected and the choice is yours to make.
Setting boundaries with friends and family can be difficult, especially if there have been little to no boundaries before. It is typical to see some resistance by those around you and to face challenges to new boundaries, but it is important to remind people of the new boundaries and be consistent in maintaining them. It is often easier for people to say "yes" to something to avoid conflict than to say"no" and engage in any sort of conflict.
A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble" -Mahatma Gandhi
Using I statements is helpful in establishing and setting boundaries. Stating "I need 30 minutes to relax and decompress then I will be ready to hear about your day" is a healthy way to inform someone of your intended boundary. It does not point the finger or blame anyone for the time needed alone. I statements serve to inform those around us of our boundaries. Other examples of I statements are:
"I feel frustrated when you stop by without notice because I prefer a call or text to let you know if it is a good time to come over."
"What I need is to have time to myself because I am feeling overwhelmed."
It's never too late to set boundaries. Take a moment and think about or write down ways in which you can establish or maintain boundaries. Once you have determined what boundaries are important to you start to inform people around you of what they are. It will take time and practice to be successful. Praise yourself for each victory.